Joy

(NOTE: a work on progress)

Have you ever tried being depressed?
I don’t mean sad.
I don’t mean “I just need a night out. drinking with my friends.”
I mean have you ever tried waking up at noon just to lay in bed all day watching reruns of your favourite show and not speaking to anyone?
Sounds great, right?
Sounds great to sleep through your significant other calling you ten times because he’s not really sure if you’re alive or dead.
Sounds great to have no energy to move or speak or even feed yourself.
Sounds great to watch TV all day trying to laugh or cry or just feel anything.
Sounds great to feel like such a fucking burden, you’d rather lie in bed and slowly rot than reach out and make anyone see the real you.

Sadness is a choice.
Just learn to see your situation differently.
Maybe instead of actually caring for you, your friends are just saving face.
Maybe those compliments are just little jabs.
Maybe they’re all secretly happy you haven’t had the nerve to reach out to them recently, because, damn, you’re a lot to deal with.
See? It’s easy.
Just choose to ignore any positive reinforcement any so-called “friends” dare throw your way.

Why don’t you just get over it?
I mean, sometimes I get happy, too.
You don’t see me skipping along and whistling.
I’m not constantly shoving my joy down people’s throats.
Acting like I’m in some fucking musical.
If you’d just stop lingering on your happiness, it would go away.
Why don’t you just ignore it and be depressed
Like the rest of us?

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